I love to learn and desire to grow. I go to school every day and get paid to do it. I am not a student, but an educator. Yet I get to learn every day.
I am an enlisted professional military education instructor at the Robert D. Gaylor NCO Academy here. I was a dedicated flight room instructor for a year and was a superintendent for about six months following sewing on master sergeant.
As a flight instructor, I would spend six weeks imparting leadership knowledge from our curriculum to technical sergeant students through facilitation. I would counsel them when they were unsuccessful on tests or assignments and mentor them when I could see they needed encouragement or when they needed some discipline.
I was serious about my job and it was exhausting. As an introvert, after spending all day interacting with students at a high level of intensity, I would not be left with many words at the end of my days.
Often I would want to go home and crash, but I had a master’s degree program, two young boys, a husband and responsibilities in my church waiting on me. Looking back, it was difficult, but as my students were learning about leadership, so was I.
How could I not learn? Day in and day out we teach the same concepts and I want to be good at what I do … no, excellent at what I do!
How could I not internalize what I was teaching? How could I look myself in the mirror in the morning or sleep soundly at night if every day I was a phony? Some might be reading this thinking that is exactly what we are. I have had students that just could not wrap their minds and hearts around being a true leader and therefore probably believed I was a phony. I have been guilty of this type of skepticism.
When I came through this school back in 2010, I was at a crossroads in my career. I was in the Air Force for just a little longer than 10 years and I had been going through one of the most agonizing two years of my life.
I had serious family issues I was dealing with and did not feel like I had the support of my “Air Force family.” I thought the “Year of the Family” initiative was a joke and just a catch phrase. I did not believe I had family in the Air Force and I did not believe the Air Force had my back. I believed I was nothing but a work horse, a number – not a human, not someone of value and certainly not family.
I poked holes in the curriculum daily. I looked for faults in the instructors and the institution. I thought for sure it was all a sham and I wanted to prove it somehow. I was not disrespectful in class because that is not my nature, but I was searching. Maybe not so much for confirmation that it was a joke, but I needed to find something or someone to believe in. I had no true mentor. I had no one that believed in me at work or at least that is what it seemed like.
Then Chief Master Sgt. Juan Lewis came to brief us. He was intimidating and challenging.
I thought for sure he was going to make me state the Airman’s Creed in the middle of the auditorium simply for sitting in the aisle seat. I was scared to death to be made the fool. Once I left that day from class, I made it my goal in life to memorize the Airman’s Creed and the Air Force Song.
I did not like the feeling I had that day. It wasn’t because I thought he wanted to make me look foolish. I did it because I didn’t want to let him down.
Crazy right? I didn’t even know him. However, something he said that day made me believe that he believed in what he was doing. It was palpable. I had to cut him to see if he bled blue. I needed to know that he was not a phony because if he was a phony, in my mind there was no hope. I requested through my instructor to interview Lewis for my Air Force Heritage research paper. He agreed. This was my opportunity to catch him. This was my opportunity to prove that even the most convincing motivator, was not really buying this stuff.
I was wrong. I was gloriously and wonderfully wrong. He believed every word he said and I found him to be sincere. Is he perfect? No. Will I ever be? No.
That is why I asked him to be my mentor and he agreed. For the next few weeks while I attended the academy, he helped me see there are people that really do care and value others. He helped me see there was more to be found if I just opened my eyes and ears.
I will not blame it all on my leaders for not caring because that will do no one good. I will not point fingers at others when I have made mistakes myself. I made a decision at that point in my life that I would be better. I would be a better Airman, a better follower and a better leader when I had the chance. I would ensure my Airmen knew they were valued. I just didn’t feel my impact was large enough at my duty section.
I had just returned from a temporary duty assignment to the Air Force Mortuary Affairs Operations as a manpower analyst for the Air Force Manpower Agency. I was honored to stand on the C-130 when they brought three service members back from the Middle East and carried them ceremoniously onto American soil. I heard the shrill cries of family members as they watched their loved ones’ casket draped in Old Glory carried from the plane to the truck so they could be prepared for burial.
I remember thinking there was no greater honor than to be one of those amazing individuals at AFMAO. I wanted to make an impact like that. So, with the help of my boss, I put together my application package for the academy. I needed to reach more people. I wanted to make an impact like Lewis. Thankfully, I was selected and this is where I work today.
I work with some of the most intelligent, diverse, caring and professional people. Period. Not just in the Air Force. Not just in the military. Not just in Texas. Period.
We sharpen each other daily with our thoughtful questions, our edification of one another, in our accountability to each other in our unending quest to be a better version of ourselves to help others be better versions of themselves.
When we come together at lunch and on breaks to discuss world topics it is like a United Nation meeting in someone’s office. I never walk away worse off than I came.
Do I like everything I do? Honestly, no. Is everything I do building me up to become a better me? Yes.
Many people will tell you they have the best job in the Air Force. Mine really is.