RANDOLPH AIR FORCE BASE, Texas –
People who have a difficult time managing their emotions pay the price in various ways: unhappiness, poor performance, interpersonal problems, avoidance behaviors such as procrastination and self-indulgence, and self-defeating habits from overspending to excessive gambling.
But they can learn to successfully manage their emotions and improve the quality of their lives by changing unhealthy beliefs and expectations.
A monthly one-hour session at the Health and Wellness Center helps participants begin the transformation. The class, emotions management, is the fourth part of the Success Enhancement Series that also includes stress management, asser-tiveness training and time management.
"We give them tools they can use," said John Gallardo, Randolph Mental Health Clinic counselor. "The 'ABC of change' is the model I use."
Mr. Gallardo helps participants distinguish between healthy and unhealthy emotions, identify the different types of emotions, learn the cost of unhealthy emotions, recognize the obstacles to change and learn how to manage their emotions.
He likened emotions to a thermometer, with "healthy" emotions - concern, sadness, displeasure and patience/discipline - resting on the bottom and their "unhealthy" counterparts - anxiety, depression, anger and frustration/impatience - higher up the scale.
"Displeasure is a mild form of anger," Mr. Gallardo said. "If it escalates, anger results. At the top is rage. When you start going up, you start to lose control."
He said emotions are psychic feelings as opposed to physical feelings that relate to the five senses. They're psychic reactions that prepare the body for immediate action. Unhealthy beliefs and expectations cause negative emotions in response to an event.
"People have negative emotions because they have conflicts inside," he said. "You have to change the way you think, or what is called cognitive restructuring."
Mr. Gallardo said the "ABC of change" can help people "get unstuck" in their beliefs. "A," the activating event, plus "B," the belief or expectation, equals "C," the consequence, or the emotional feeling that results from how people respond to the event.
"We respond to the activating event based on our beliefs," he said. "The event itself is neutral. By changing your beliefs or expectations, you will respond differently."
Mr. Gallardo used the example of a parent and their children.
"If the parent expects their children to behave in a certain way and they do not, they get angry," he said. "The expectation, not the event, drives the feeling."
Mr. Gallardo said people can better manage their emotions by checking their beliefs and expectations and determining if they are healthy or unhealthy. If they're unhealthy, people can dispute or challenge them and arrive at a realistic belief that will help them cope better with activating events. He shows class participants how they can dispute the defective beliefs that lead to anger, frustration and the other unhealthy emotions.
He also talks about disputing the "living by the 'must' script," which is based on defective beliefs such as "I must be successful and do well," "I must be liked, admired and respected," "You must do what I want" and "The world must be fair."
Mr. Gallardo said changing defective beliefs requires a conscious effort - making a plan, testing it and practicing it. It then becomes a habit.
"Looking at things differently makes you feel different," he said.
And, he said, displaying healthy emotions has a positive effect on others.
To sign up for the class, call the HAWC at 652-2448. The next class is March 26 from noon to 1 p.m.