1 00:00:00,140 --> 00:00:02,450 So I'm Colonel Shane , I'm the 2 00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,404 commander of the five Second Force 3 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,627 Support group stationed near Joint Base 4 00:00:06,627 --> 00:00:08,750 san Antonio Fort Sam Houston , it was 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,250 Veterans Day um november 11th 2012 when 6 00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:15,220 I deployed to Afghanistan . So my third 7 00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:17,008 combat deployment . So this was 8 00:00:17,008 --> 00:00:18,952 actually in the middle of my son , 9 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,250 oldest son's senior year and as things 10 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,250 kind of aligned , my department got 11 00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,306 shortened up a bit and I was able to 12 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:27,950 come home a bit early to work on some , 13 00:00:27,950 --> 00:00:30,117 some task for , for our organization . 14 00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,029 And we were actually moving , the 15 00:00:32,029 --> 00:00:34,196 entire unit , military unit was moving 16 00:00:34,196 --> 00:00:36,196 from Bamberg Germany to bomb holder 17 00:00:36,196 --> 00:00:38,307 Germany . So I got to be part of that 18 00:00:38,307 --> 00:00:40,473 team that went back and made sure that 19 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,529 that happened . And bonus , I got to 20 00:00:42,529 --> 00:00:44,584 See my son graduate in about June of 21 00:00:44,584 --> 00:00:48,100 2013 . I still remember my sons senior 22 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:51,130 class motto 13 , We just made the 23 00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:53,610 number lucky , but unfortunately for me 24 00:00:53,610 --> 00:00:56,060 that wasn't probably the most lucky a 25 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,230 year , at least at this point on . Um 26 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,462 and then with the family that we had to 27 00:01:00,462 --> 00:01:02,780 move across Germany um I had also 28 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:06,290 started a very stressful job and things 29 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:08,360 just started kind of kind of heading 30 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,527 downhill for me really on an emotional 31 00:01:10,527 --> 00:01:12,580 state and I just noticed little by 32 00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:14,691 little a month by month , things just 33 00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:16,802 weren't , weren't clicking for me . I 34 00:01:16,802 --> 00:01:19,960 wasn't firing on all cylinders . I was 35 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:23,530 not able to focus at work . I felt 36 00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:27,350 overwhelmed , I felt like I wasn't 37 00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:29,940 gonna accomplish certain smaller tasks , 38 00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:33,030 much less the bigger tasks . Um I 39 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,660 definitely tended to snap it at people 40 00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:38,980 more um snap at my family members 41 00:01:38,990 --> 00:01:42,480 more . And those were just some of the , 42 00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:44,601 you know , some of these signs that I 43 00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:46,768 knew that something wasn't right and I 44 00:01:46,768 --> 00:01:48,879 needed to get home . So I reached out 45 00:01:48,879 --> 00:01:51,046 to my boss , army lieutenant colonel , 46 00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:52,900 I said sir , you know , I really 47 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,011 haven't had the chance to participate 48 00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:57,150 in the army resiliency program . I'd 49 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,372 like to carve out time my busy schedule 50 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:02,050 to um to sit down and actually take 51 00:02:02,050 --> 00:02:04,106 these classes . And he said , sure , 52 00:02:04,106 --> 00:02:06,560 absolutely , he's like , I encourage 53 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,782 you to do it . But you know , one thing 54 00:02:08,782 --> 00:02:10,949 that worked for me , he shared with me 55 00:02:10,949 --> 00:02:13,282 was was a book I said , well sir , what , 56 00:02:13,282 --> 00:02:15,338 which book was this ? And he was the 57 00:02:15,338 --> 00:02:17,393 resilience factor by two authors who 58 00:02:17,393 --> 00:02:19,616 were psychologists at the University of 59 00:02:19,616 --> 00:02:21,782 pennsylvania and the army had actually 60 00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:23,282 used these two authors and 61 00:02:23,282 --> 00:02:25,171 psychologists to develop the army 62 00:02:25,171 --> 00:02:27,338 resiliency program . So he said this , 63 00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:27,150 this book worked for me , told me my 64 00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:30,210 boss . Um and so I think fairly quickly 65 00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,770 I downloaded the book and I started to 66 00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:35,560 read it and I still have it today , but 67 00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:37,940 Later I realized that it probably a 68 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,107 book alone wasn't gonna help . So then 69 00:02:40,107 --> 00:02:42,329 that's when I reached out to the to the 70 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,440 military family life counselors and I 71 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,662 remember I was asked to give remarks at 72 00:02:46,662 --> 00:02:49,850 the Hispanic heritage month event in in 73 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,693 Baumholder Germany , this was in 74 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:55,260 October of 2013 . And so 75 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,260 before that , that actually that 76 00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,427 morning I decided that I needed help . 77 00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:02,482 That I needed to go talk to somebody 78 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:04,482 going back to earlier units . I had 79 00:03:04,482 --> 00:03:06,371 become familiar with the military 80 00:03:06,371 --> 00:03:08,204 family life counselors or by the 81 00:03:08,204 --> 00:03:11,760 acronym MF L . C or M flex . Um , so I 82 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,093 had seen their flyers around everywhere . 83 00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:16,316 Um I had used them from time to time to 84 00:03:16,316 --> 00:03:18,427 come talk to my soldiers that had had 85 00:03:18,427 --> 00:03:20,482 some really stressful situations and 86 00:03:20,482 --> 00:03:22,593 they were in dire need of help . So I 87 00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,760 remember going , we had an embedded in 88 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,871 flak in our military organization . I 89 00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:26,350 remember kind of sneaking off , 90 00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:30,220 dropping in and uh , you know , to the 91 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:32,387 back door almost and sitting down with 92 00:03:32,387 --> 00:03:35,400 an M . Black and we chatted for about 93 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,344 45 minutes and I said , hey , I've 94 00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:39,233 gotta run , I'm a , I'm a keynote 95 00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:41,289 speaker at Hispanic heritage among , 96 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,289 but I'd like to continue to see you 97 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,400 again . So I , you know , I recall in 98 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,511 my first session when I sat down with 99 00:03:47,511 --> 00:03:49,560 the with the in flat counselor , he 100 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,560 said , oh , have there any been any 101 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,838 changes in your life recently ? I said , 102 00:03:53,838 --> 00:03:56,060 well yes , um actually I've had a few , 103 00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,727 I just returned from a combat 104 00:03:57,727 --> 00:03:59,838 deployment in Afghanistan , my family 105 00:03:59,838 --> 00:04:02,004 and I just pcs across the country . My 106 00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:04,116 son graduated high school and he left 107 00:04:04,116 --> 00:04:06,171 left the home . So now there's a new 108 00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:08,338 dynamic in our home and I just started 109 00:04:08,338 --> 00:04:10,616 an extremely stressful job and he said , 110 00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:12,838 you know , any one of those things that 111 00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:15,004 you just mentioned , just one would be 112 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,171 enough to really to really cause a lot 113 00:04:17,171 --> 00:04:16,820 of stress in your life and you just 114 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,260 named several . Um , so we need to , we 115 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,482 need to talk , we need , we need you to 116 00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:23,482 come back on a regular basis . Uh , 117 00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:26,950 fast forward to December of 2013 . We 118 00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:28,728 had a really big event that was 119 00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,617 happening in the organization , a 120 00:04:30,617 --> 00:04:32,783 change of command . So we're stationed 121 00:04:32,783 --> 00:04:34,839 in Germany . So I flew across across 122 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,006 the atlantic to my sisters and I don't 123 00:04:37,006 --> 00:04:38,839 remember asking my boss the same 124 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:40,894 supportive boss . I said , sir , you 125 00:04:40,894 --> 00:04:42,783 know , we have a really big event 126 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,006 that's coming up in our brigade and but 127 00:04:45,006 --> 00:04:47,228 my sister's getting married at the same 128 00:04:47,228 --> 00:04:46,890 time and you looked at me and said 129 00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:49,112 Shane , you absolutely need to be there 130 00:04:49,112 --> 00:04:51,223 for this important family event . But 131 00:04:51,223 --> 00:04:53,446 as I flew there , you know , it's , you 132 00:04:53,446 --> 00:04:55,446 know , it just was overwhelmed with 133 00:04:55,446 --> 00:04:57,760 different emotions and just kind of 134 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,830 built up this false story that there 135 00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,220 was trouble in my marriage and just 136 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,640 really hit an absolute low point and I 137 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,862 just kind of continued on . So that was 138 00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:09,862 in december and continued on to see 139 00:05:09,862 --> 00:05:11,696 counsel by this time , the first 140 00:05:11,696 --> 00:05:13,973 council that I talked to sort of their , 141 00:05:13,973 --> 00:05:13,460 their m o is that they're there for a 142 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,516 short period of time . There under a 143 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,590 short contract . One of the things I 144 00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:19,534 like about them is they don't take 145 00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:21,790 notes . They don't keep records . And 146 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:23,846 then as you know , they're there for 147 00:05:23,846 --> 00:05:26,310 about about 90 ISH days , usually under 148 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,421 six months and then they're gone . So 149 00:05:28,421 --> 00:05:30,643 the first council I talked to , he flew 150 00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,477 back to United States and then I 151 00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:34,604 started talking to other counsel I 152 00:05:34,604 --> 00:05:36,771 connected with very well and just kind 153 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:40,010 of help continue me on my journey of of 154 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,170 really building my emotional 155 00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,114 intelligence , which at the time I 156 00:05:44,114 --> 00:05:46,970 really didn't know what that was . Help 157 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:50,630 me on a path to to control my emotions 158 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:53,352 and then to frame frame what was really 159 00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,574 happening in a different way . Maybe it 160 00:05:55,574 --> 00:05:58,190 was just , you know , sort of having 161 00:05:58,190 --> 00:06:01,360 this stoic front and and not maybe 162 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,527 wanted to let others know , you know , 163 00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,638 that that something wasn't right . So 164 00:06:05,638 --> 00:06:07,749 yeah , I quite literally stuck in the 165 00:06:07,749 --> 00:06:09,971 back . I remember one time I I ran into 166 00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:12,138 a department of the army civilian that 167 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:14,471 I worked with and he said , oh you know , 168 00:06:14,471 --> 00:06:16,582 the that that guy is not there , that 169 00:06:16,582 --> 00:06:16,400 guy being the counselor , but that guy 170 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,567 is not there . He took off for lunch , 171 00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,733 but he'll be back later . And I wonder 172 00:06:20,733 --> 00:06:22,900 later . Well , how did he know ? Um we 173 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,122 have different efforts to try to try to 174 00:06:25,122 --> 00:06:27,289 reduce or eliminate the stigma . A lot 175 00:06:27,289 --> 00:06:29,511 of his based on individuals backgrounds 176 00:06:29,511 --> 00:06:31,400 throughout bringing sort of their 177 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,567 experience in life and whether they're 178 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,567 comfortable for making that initial 179 00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:37,789 lead , but for for others that are just 180 00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:41,110 starting out in life or in the military , 181 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,287 um , I would say it's something that's 182 00:06:43,287 --> 00:06:45,064 very important to focus on your 183 00:06:45,064 --> 00:06:46,787 resilience , You focus on your 184 00:06:46,787 --> 00:06:49,340 emotional intelligence because later it 185 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:52,040 will pay back and large dividends to 186 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,500 you also make you a better leader , a 187 00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:58,940 better brother , sister , father , 188 00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:02,450 mother friend . Um , and it will help 189 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:06,160 you succeed in In in life and also in 190 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,730 your career , as I mentioned by my 191 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:11,020 journey in 2013 14 and it wasn't over 192 00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:14,810 then and I definitely wouldn't 193 00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:17,520 consider myself to have learned 194 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,798 everything . There is about resilience , 195 00:07:19,798 --> 00:07:21,909 your emotional intelligence . I still 196 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,076 have room to grow . I'm still learning 197 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,076 more and and fine tuning the little 198 00:07:26,076 --> 00:07:28,242 things . But there's definitely been a 199 00:07:28,242 --> 00:07:31,760 few times where I recommend to those 200 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:35,720 within my organization passed and 201 00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,000 perhaps even present to seek help for 202 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,944 the resources that are out there . 203 00:07:39,944 --> 00:07:42,111 Again , I'm a big , big support of the 204 00:07:42,111 --> 00:07:44,890 military family life counselors . That 205 00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:47,112 is one avenue realizing that that's not 206 00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:49,223 there for everyone . And we also have 207 00:07:49,223 --> 00:07:51,112 our , our chaplains , we have our 208 00:07:51,112 --> 00:07:53,168 behavioral health clinic and there's 209 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,370 also military , one source that offers 210 00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:58,830 some resources and and there's there's 211 00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:00,941 no shortage of organizations that are 212 00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:03,930 trying to help veterans military 213 00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:06,430 members and and military family members . 214 00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:08,747 So there's definitely a lot , a lot of 215 00:08:08,747 --> 00:08:10,469 resources out there . Mm hmm . 216 00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:17,940 Okay . 217 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:21,160 Mm hmm