SAN ANTONIO, Texas –
Twenty-one months ago, Michelle Kirlew was given three
months to live. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer Dec. 19, 2013, it wasn’t until
January 2014 that she received the news the disease had spread to major organs
within her body, including her liver, pancreas and bloodstream, making her officially
in stage four of dealing with the deadly disease.
November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month and Friday is
World Pancreatic Cancer Day. Only three percent of people diagnosed with this
disease survive this form of cancer, typically due to late diagnosis. Called
the silent killer, pancreatic cancer has the lowest survival rate of all 22
common cancers according to http://www.pancreaticcanceraction.org.
Refusing to be defined by her circumstances, Michelle and
her husband, Sgt. 1st Class Michael Kirlew, assigned to the 1st
Battlefield Coordination Detachment at
Davis Monthan Air Force Base in Tucson, Ariz., are more than statistics,
slogans and a saga of unfortunate circumstances. The 1st BCD is a part of U.S.
Army South, headquartered at Fort Sam Houston.
Their story of meeting, falling in love, blending families,
adapting to military life and facing the adversities that come from living with
a deadly disease maybe more than what most families are equipped to handle. Not
so for the Kirlews.
Michael, a field artilleryman with 21 years of active-duty
service and Michelle, a New Jersey native, both were previously married and
divorced, with one child each before their paths crossed during a chance online
encounter through Michelle’s sister.
New to the dating scene, Michelle’s friends and family were
hesitant and over-protective at the prospect of her dating Michael and only
allowed it since Michael was overseas for the first year and they had to date
“virtually” online.
Michelle and Michael had their first real date on
Valentine’s Day 2004. Eighteen months later, they wed.
When Michael asked for Michelle’s hand in marriage, he also
asked for that he officially adopt her daughter, Madison, and become her
father.
Michelle said she quickly took to and embraced every ounce
of being a military wife and family.
“We wanted to start a family and I wanted to be pregnant
while he was deployed so he could be home with us for the baby’s first year,”
said Michelle.
“I moved back home with my family during my pregnancy,” said
Michelle, though in retrospect she believes being on base, surrounded by others
wives, might have been better. “Other wives understand the struggles and
challenges involved with having a loved one gone.”
“We were at Fort Campbell on Michael’s third deployment and
this is where I decided to stay on the installation and was introduced to the
family readiness group,” said Michelle. “Being on base was better. I felt more
a part of the mission.”
“I love everything about the military,” Michelle said. From
the ladies and Soldiers that assisted her family, to the military medical
health care program TRICARE, Michelle said it’s all like nothing she’s ever
experienced before.
On Dec. 15, 2013, Michelle got word that she had a tumor in her
pancreas.
“Michael was in the passenger terminal at the Al Udeid Air
Base minutes away from boarding an airplane to Afghanistan for a fourth tour,”
Michelle said.
Knowing the urgency of the situation Michelle’s friends and
doctors worked tirelessly to get a Red Cross message to Michael about the
tumor. Just days later on Dec. 19, she got the call that the tumor was cancer.
Knowing Michael was alone in the airport and on his way home
and not wanting to give him such bad news with no one around to comfort him,
she waited. Michael only knew he urgently needed to get back home to Michelle.
He wasn’t aware exactly how dire the circumstances were until the next day.
Since becoming aware of her condition, Michelle endured
countless surgeries.
In March, Michelle realizing the cancer had spread to her
bloodstream, began chemotherapy and opted for an experimental drug suggested by
one of her many doctors.
“I had nothing to lose at this point,” Michelle said. “The
first six weeks on the experimental drug, the tumor on my pancreas shrunk and
the tumors on my liver were gone.”
Michelle remembers the urgency of needing authorization for
TRICARE from a doctor at Davis Monthan Air Force Base, Ariz., during holiday
block leave last December.
During a time when an installation can appear fairly
desolate, a member of 1st BCD command team, Lt. Col. Elton Crawford,
facilitated the necessary approval and Michelle was able to have one of her
many procedures a month later.
“At first we could ‘pillow talk’ and chit-chat about death
and dying,” Michelle said, but it all became too gloomy.
Instituting “no-death, no-dying” discussion parameters,
Michelle decided it was best to create a small window of time set aside in
which they could discuss death. “We no longer talk about death or dying at
night, only during the daytime, before noon.”
Fast forward a year and Michelle remembers throwing up blood
and passing out on her stairs. She recalls Michael dialing 911 and beginning
the journey on her most serious bout with the cancer, which was wreaking havoc
on her internally.
Undergoing her most intensive procedure yet, Michelle’s
doctors cut out her pancreas, spleen, gall bladder and parts of her stomach to
clear out the cancer.
“I didn’t feel like I was dying,” Michelle remembered.
Attributing the military with providing coping and resiliency
skills, Michelle said she realized as a family they were going to have to deal
with tough issues.
“This is the way it is. We are set up to live and set up to
die.”
The reactions from Michelle and Michael’s children vary.
Madison, 15, initially went into a shell and preferred not to talk about “it,”
though she remains extremely optimistic with progress and positive news,
Michelle said.
Mackenzie or “Mack,” 9, looks up everything on the Internet,
according to his mom. “He just wants to learn as much about it as he can,” she
said.
The kids are already on a roller coaster. Trevor, Michael’s
oldest son, “doesn’t quite know how he’s supposed to feel,” Michelle said.
Trevor, 18, lives in Texas with his mother but visits often and as a newly
licensed driver helps chauffeur his siblings to different activities.
Insistent on completing Michael’s adoption of Madison as she
and the family move forward, Michelle says this is an extremely important step
for the family to take.
“Madison is such a daddy’s girl, imagining her being raised
by anyone other than Michael, would be unthinkable,” said Michelle with
emphasis in her otherwise soft-spoken voice.
After 60 days in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation
facilities, Michelle spent the first day home on the couch in anticipation of
Michael picking up the kids from school. Joyful and eager to see their mom, in
their own home environment, the kids could not resist their enthusiasm and
showered Michelle with love, hugs and kisses, which garnered a loving, yet
stern reminder from dad.
“Watch her stomach!” Michael told them as the kids, cats and
dog all ambushed Michelle with attention.
Constantly celebrating the gift of life, Michelle said she
feels very blessed. “Even with the diagnosis, I don’t feel cursed.”
The 1st BCD military family has been available to us from
day one, Michelle and Michael agreed.
“They’ve watched the kids, prepared meals for the family and
been at the hospital during my surgeries.” Michelle’s energy and voice seem to
lift in excitement at the mere mention of Michael’s unit.
“They created a food meal plan to feed my family. Some of
them are so new to the organization that they don’t even know us, yet they all
came together and stood by us and I love them … the friends, family and the
military,” Michelle said.
“Horrible things happen in the world and to experience the
beauty of the relationships and bonds created within the military, these
husbands, wives and generous people who have my back is just wonderful,” she
said.
Among the people who “have the Kirlew’s back” is 1st BCD
Commander, Col. Daniel O’Grady, who assumed command of the organization this
past summer and learned of the Kirlew’s situation from the outgoing commander.
“As cliché as it may sound, we are all in the same boat
together, rowing together. You have to truly live the Army values. If we don’t
take care of each other, who will?” O’Grady said.
Familiar with the military family support network, O’Grady
has deployed seven times in his career and said he witnessed first hand great
leaders taking care of Soldiers.
“I was Lt. Gen. Mark Milley’s executive officer when the
shootings occurred at Fort Hood April 2, 2014,” O’Grady said. “I saw him be
there for the victim’s families, the wounded and for the shooter’s wife.
“I’m adamant about making sure the Soldiers and families in
this unit are taken care of,” O’Grady said.
The BCD commander said he believes, since less than one
percent of the U.S. population is serving, anyone willing to raise their right
hand and take that oath is special to him. “Sgt. First Class Kirlew is a great
guy, and we as a unit just stepped in to alleviate the burden and help ensure
his family would be taken care of,” O’Grady said.
(Editor’s Note: At the conclusion of this interview,
Michelle was declared cancer-free as the result of her most recent surgeries
that removed the cancer along with vital organs where the cancer was present.
Michelle has since been readmitted for a small infection, but continues to beat
unbelievable odds, regaining her strength day by day. Michael and Michelle
wholly attribute her overcoming tremendous odds to the military medical support
they’ve received through TRICARE, the support of their military family from
Michael’s unit and their faith. Michelle was released back home Oct. 7.)